The moon lit your face, and you asked if I knew where we were, and I said no, but it didn’t matter as long as we were together, and you drove until the road was gone. You told me I can’t trust everyone, and that should have been my warning to pack up my emotions and run, but something about you charged my soul until I couldn’t see straight and the tip of my nose tingled. Being with you felt like my favorite sweater in the fall, and your lips felt like home. My eagerness to fill the empty space between our bones often overwhelmed you, and you hated the way I wrote about you, partly because I named names, but mostly because you couldn’t deny the truths I told. Coffee-stained pages of February told the story of my love and the heart on my sleeve, and April finally thawed the frozen walls of my heart, but nothing would ever hurt the way July lied to me again and again until every midnight diner was closed, and I could no longer feel your touch burning holes through my skin. I lied to August when you asked if I was okay, and I told you I never wanted to see you again because I learned my lesson. ”You can’t trust everyone.” That’s what you told me, and all the stars in the sky couldn’t have proven it better than you. We were never happy, and it was never real. I was just another page to turn in your book of girls whose spark you extinguished just as fast as you ignited.
You caught my attention the way September caught the cold, and your grip on my heart suffocated the only truth I knew. You said “I’m sorry for what I did,” and I only ever half-believed you because the look in your eyes was never sincere. The leaves changed color and along with the finality of the season came the end of us, and even though you were toxic and I was everything you never wanted, we tried to put something back together that had been severed a long time ago. You left me to figure out life on my own, and here I am 28 days later, still searching for what went missing, and I used to think maybe someone discovered it and put it in the lost and found, and it would still be there, waiting for you the day you decided to come back, but the day you left was the day I realized I’d never see your face again. It’s a new season, cold and rainy, and it’s always been my favorite, but this year there’s an emptiness in the air where your existence is no longer, and I still look for the silver lining in every cloud.
Thank you so much! You really have no idea how much this means to me, and I really am sorry that you can relate to my words because I would never want people to have to understand what I go through at times, although it is nice sometimes to know someone else understands me.
And there will definitely be more new posts…I’m like 3 months behind on uploading /: and now that it’s summer for me, I’ll be able to upload more on a regular basis once I’m caught up! (: